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#51862 - 01/20/19 09:40 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
R.I.P. laugh
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#51863 - 01/20/19 01:34 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?”

The tower responded, “Who is calling?”

The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?”

The tower replied, “It makes a lot of difference ... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o’clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to “Happy Hour.”
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51864 - 01/20/19 01:35 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. “Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. “Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. “Yours is.”
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51865 - 01/20/19 01:36 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.” Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, “What do you want?”

“Nothing important, sir,” the airman replied, “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51866 - 01/20/19 01:37 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “Sure, buddy.” Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again!” Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “No, SIR!”
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51867 - 01/20/19 01:39 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
“Well,” snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pi$$ on my grave.”

“Not me, Chief!” the Seaman replied. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in line again!
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51870 - 01/20/19 10:16 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
Sounds like you're familiar with the Military! laugh laugh
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#51885 - 01/27/19 02:49 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Bill was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.

The doc checked the man’s blood pressure and other vitals. Then after a thorough examination the doctor said he wanted to check with Bill’s wife.

He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough. Finally he said, “Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will go talk to your husband”.

The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, “Well Bill, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn’t get an erection either.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51886 - 01/27/19 02:52 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores ... Well, he’s a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks. “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussy halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says,

“You gonna tell him or should I?”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51887 - 01/27/19 03:04 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring my customers! “I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts.” With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, “You idiot! You’re sitting on the mop bucket!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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