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#51049 - 07/08/18 04:24 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his vacations at this country inn. The previous year he’d finally managed to close the deal with the innkeeper’s daughter.

Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, and then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

“Helen, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”

Well” she said “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’ and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.”
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51050 - 07/08/18 04:26 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for “Show and Tell” and the next day every kid had something.

The teacher asks Wendy “What did you bring?”

“I brought a Walkman.”

“And what is it for?”

“You can listen to music with it!”

“That’s nice Wendy.”

“What did you bring Kenny?”

“I brought a ‘lectrical can opener, it opens cans!”

“Well done, Kenny.”

“Umm, Johnny, I see you didn’t bring anything!”

“Yes, I did. It’s in the hall.”

So the entire class goes into the hallway. “Umm, Johnny, what is that?”

“It’s a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going.”

“Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?”

“He said, ‘AAAARRRGGGH!!!!’”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51051 - 07/08/18 04:29 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
After his annual physical, the sexually active bachelor was waiting in the doctor’s office for the results. “Well,” said the doctor “I have good news and bad news for you.”

“The way I feel, please give me the good news first.” replied the bachelor.

“The good news,” announced the doctor “is that your penis has grown an additional four inches since your last exam.”

“Great!” the man shouted “What is the bad news?”

“It’s malignant.” replied the doctor.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51052 - 07/08/18 04:31 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
I went for a testicle check-up last week. The little Thai nurse cupped my balls and said “Don’t worry, it’s quite normal to get an erection during this procedure.”

I said “I haven’t got an erection.”

She said “No, but I have.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51053 - 07/08/18 04:34 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the toilet it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.

As she lifted one boy up, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said “You must be in Grade 3?”

“No ma’am,” he replied “I’m riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51060 - 07/10/18 02:28 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
A winner for sure! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#51061 - 07/10/18 06:53 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
This Aussie blonde was selling her pet python on eBay. A bloke rang up and asked if it was big. She said “It’s massive”. He said “How many feet?” She said “None. It’s a bloody snake, mate!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51062 - 07/10/18 06:55 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morley high school.

“Yes. Yes, I did. Go the blue, white and red!” he gleamed with pride.

“When did you graduate?” I asked.

“In 1975” He answered “Why do you ask?”

“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, fat-arsed, grey-haired, decrepit son-of-a-birch asked “Oh Really? What did you teach?”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51076 - 07/14/18 02:36 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
I think my dentist is young enough to be my son! smirk
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#51078 - 07/15/18 07:15 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit’s end as to what to do about their sons’ behaviour.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly “Where is God?”

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone “Where is God?”

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face “WHERE IS GOD?”

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said “What happened?”

The younger brother replied “We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!”
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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