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#50982 - 06/24/18 10:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
A truly touching story.

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet.

As we lay making love, I thought

“These Taser guns are well worth the money”.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50983 - 06/24/18 10:18 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
had a power outage at my house this morning. My PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, IPad and new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was dead. To top it off, it was raining so I couldn’t go for a walk, bike, or run. The garage door opener needed electricity so I couldn’t go anywhere in the car.

I went to the kitchen to make coffee and then remembered this also needed power ... so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50984 - 06/24/18 10:19 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
Laugh for the day

1. What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant;
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;
Panic is when both are pregnant!

2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
*Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got
a heart attack & our driver ran away!*

3. A young boy asks his Dad: “What is the difference between confident and
confidential?

*Dad says: “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your
friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!*

4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman ;
“Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied, “My husband’s cheque book!”

5. A prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called,
Husband the Master of the House?

Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”

6. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your
wife Darling, Honey, Love.”

What’s the secret?” Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!

7. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day.

*Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one
every day!*
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50991 - 06/25/18 12:50 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
Dangerous replies! laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50993 - 06/25/18 05:34 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
I heard a story about a guy who got a call from his doctor the day after a visit. From what I gathered, the doctor says “I hate to tell you this, but I have bad news and worse news”. Dude asks what the bad news is, doctor goes “you have 24 hours to live”. Dude asks in a terrified voice what the worse news is, doctor says “the phones weren’t working so I couldn’t call you yesterday”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50994 - 06/25/18 05:37 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said “Let’s get off the corner people”. A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again “Let’s get off that corner ... NOW!” Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked “Well, how did I do?” Pretty good” chuckled the vet “especially since this is a bus stop”.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50995 - 06/25/18 05:39 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go see Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures the next morning. His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before. “Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a good job?” The second oldster replied “Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the testicles”. The first old guy was confused and asked “What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?” “It was the first time in two years my teeth didn’t hurt”.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

Top
#50996 - 06/25/18 05:42 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?”

Most of the hands go up.

“And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?”

About half the hands stay up.

“OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?”

Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd.

“Gosh, that’s pretty good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?”

One hand stays up.

The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had sexual contact with a ghost?”

The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you said, ‘goat’.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51007 - 06/27/18 08:26 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
Must have been in Arkansas! laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#51011 - 06/28/18 07:00 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
Feeling it was time for a shakeup, a large manufacturing company hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said “I make $400 a week. Why?” The CEO said “Wait right here”.

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and DON’T COME BACK!”

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”

From across the room a voice said “Pizza delivery guy”.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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