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#50966 - 06/20/18 05:50 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
At Heathrow airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of Central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode towards Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes. Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a most ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, “Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I’m sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control.” George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, “Your Majesty, please don’t give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn’t said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50967 - 06/20/18 05:50 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A teacher fell asleep in class and a little naughty boy walked up to him,
Little boy: “teacher are you sleeping in class?”
Teacher: “No I am not sleeping in class.”
Little boy: “What were you doing sir?”
Teacher: “I was talking to God.”
The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him.
Teacher: “young man, you are sleeping in my class.”
Little boy: “No, not me sir, I am not sleeping.”
Angry teacher: “What were you doing?”
Little boy: “I was talking to God.”
Angry teacher: “What did he say?”
Little boy: “God said he never spoke to you yesterday.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50968 - 06/20/18 05:51 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father” The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that”. The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many”. The boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way”. The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds” and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar”.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50969 - 06/20/18 05:52 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, “Do you think I’ll live a long and healthy life then?”
He replied, “I doubt it somehow,
Mercury is in Uranus right now.”
I said, “I don’t go in for any of that astrology nonsense.”
He replied, “Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50972 - 06/21/18 03:35 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
eek
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50973 - 06/21/18 08:39 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A college professor was in a confessional booth talking to the priest.

“Father, my wife has been out of town,” he said. “After class today, a beautiful young co-ed invited me back to her dorm room. I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I can’t believe it myself, but I agreed to go. We started having sex and ... um ... her roommate walked in. Next thing I know, she joins us and all three of us are having sex.”

The priest sighs deeply.

“The violation of marriage vows is a serious sin,” the priest said. “I’m not sure that I can give you any penance right now that would fit such a grave sin.”

“Um ... I’m sorry,” the professor said. “I’m not Catholic.”

“Then why are you telling me this?” the priest asked.

“Are you kidding?” he said. “I’m telling everyone!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50974 - 06/21/18 10:49 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50976 - 06/22/18 05:41 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the woman’s husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: ‘These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!’

‘That’s nothing’ said the other husband, ‘Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said...

‘From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you... ‘‘
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50977 - 06/22/18 06:01 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks, “Are you wearing crotch-less panties?” “Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.

“Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50980 - 06/23/18 09:20 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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