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#50919 - 06/12/18 09:11 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
When I was a kid my dad would swear and then say, “Excuse my French”.
One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand.
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#50920 - 06/12/18 11:47 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4085
Loc: S/W Missouri
Great Jon!!! laugh laugh laugh
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#50923 - 06/13/18 06:58 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator “And finally” she said “I do thank my new parents-in-law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator.”
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#50924 - 06/13/18 07:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
In the men’s bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a bartender were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished first, zipped up and started washing, literally scrubbing his hands clear up to his elbows! He used 20 paper towels before he finished.

He turned to the other two men and commented “I graduated from the University of Finance and they taught us to be clean!”

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented “I graduated from the University of Criminality and they taught us to be environmentally conscious!”

The bartender zipped up and as he was walking out the door said “I graduated from Hospitality College and they taught us not to p### on our hands!!
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#50925 - 06/13/18 07:25 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
A young pastor who normally rode a bike was walking despondently down the street when he came upon an older more experienced pastor.

The older pastor could see his young friend was troubled deeply. “What is bothering you my son?” he asked. “Well it appears a member of my congregation has stolen my bike” he replied.

The elder said “If I may give you some advice you might get your bike back. Next Sunday preach on the 10 Commandments and when you get to ‘Thou shall not steal’ really emphasise it”.

Well the next week they met again and the young pastor was once again riding his bike.

“Well “ said the older one “I see my advice worked”. “Yes” the young pastor replied “I took your advice and preached on the 10 Commandments and when I got to ‘Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I’d left my bike!”
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#50926 - 06/13/18 07:26 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
Johnny’s teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg “E-G-G” “Very good” says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast “T-O-A-S-T?” “Excellent”.

Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him. “I had bugger all” he says “ B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L”. The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to Geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the capital of Australia. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Australia’s west coast.

When it’s Johnny’s turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson and decides to give him a very difficult question.

Johnny, she asks “Where is the Pakistani Border?” Johnny ponders the question and finally says “The Pakistani border is in bed with my mother. That’s why I got bugger all for breakfast”.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#50927 - 06/13/18 07:31 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
A rancher just south of here bought a fancy new bull this spring. Turned him in with his cows and was quite disappointed that it didn’t give his cows even a second look!

The bull was guaranteed so he calls the vet who comes out to the ranch and looks the bull over.

“Well” says the vet “it’s too late to do much today so just keep him in the corral tonight and put this in his water”. He hands the rancher a bottle and says “I’ll be out in the morning”.

Well, word gets around like it does in this neck of the woods and the next morning several neighbours were down at the corral when the vet showed back up.

The rancher turned the bull loose and he immediately started doing the job he was bought for!

“Wow” one neighbour says “What’s in that stuff ya put in the water?” Rancher says “I don’t know, but it tastes a lot like liquorice!”
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#50934 - 06/14/18 09:05 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4085
Loc: S/W Missouri
Full bull service for sure! laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50937 - 06/15/18 05:09 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
A pretty young woman, visiting her new doctor for the first time, found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his (nude) patient up and down carefully. “Miss Jones” he said finally “It seems quite obvious to me that, until today, you have never had an eye examination”.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#50938 - 06/15/18 05:10 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his testicles. As the horrified doctor was examining him, he said “Man, how did this happen?” The hunter explains that he was out in the woods and felt the call of nature. Bending down by a tree, the bear trap was triggered and snapped shut on his testicles. “Oh” exclaims the doctor “The pain must have been excruciating!” “It was” said the hunter. “The second worst pain in my life”. “Second worst? What could have been worse than that?” “Coming to the end of the chain” said the hunter.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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