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#50702 - 04/24/18 01:37 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman’s apartment.

After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they’re both laying there, staring at the ceiling.

The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”

The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50703 - 04/24/18 01:39 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the salesclerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About 35,” was the reply. “I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look about 29.”

“I am actually 47.” This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your hairy walnuts for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”

As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47.”

Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”

The old lady replies, “I was behind you in McDonalds.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50704 - 04/24/18 01:41 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?” She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it’s the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again.”

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, “Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.”

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”

“Yes I do.” says the lady.

The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50713 - 04/25/18 08:05 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
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Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
OUCH! laugh laugh laugh
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#50716 - 04/27/18 05:15 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’-me) was attending the first athletic festival in Greece.

This festival had no name at that time.

In those days the athletes performed naked and to prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on a drink containing saltpeter.

At the opening ceremonial parade of this first great event, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed:

“Oh! Limp pricks!”

Over the next two and a half millennium that expression morphed into the word “Olympics.”

So Now you know...

Don’t bother to thank me ... I enjoy learning about and discussing history.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50717 - 04/27/18 05:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
A young Arab boy asked his father: “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said: “Why my son, it is a “chechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father, “It is very simple. This is a “djbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert, it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body.”

The son then asked: “But father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”

“These are “babouches” my son,” the father replied “You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet.”

“So tell me then...” added the boy.

“Yes, my son?”

“Why are you living in Minnesota and still wearing all this shit?”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50726 - 05/02/18 11:44 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
Sounds about right. smirk
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50728 - 05/04/18 06:02 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
When you’re seventy five, ... who cares?

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business, when this FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, “You’re kind’a cute. You gotta phone number?”

I said, “Yeah, you gotta pen?”

She said, “Yeah, I got a pen.”

I said, “You better get back in it before the farmer misses you.”

Cost me 6 stitches ... but,

When you’re seventy five, ... who cares?

----------------

I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

“Really” she said, “Go on then ... try.”

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”

I said, “Yesterday.”

Cost me a knee in the nuts, but...

When you’re seventy five, ... who cares?

----------------

I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, “Great legs!”

The girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so?”

I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.”

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy five, ... who cares?
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50739 - 05/09/18 03:21 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
Not there yet, but close enough to feel like it! smirk
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50741 - 05/10/18 05:31 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
As he looked at her driver’s license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a conceal weapon permit.

Taken aback, he couldn’t help but ask, “Do you have a gun in your possession?”

She replied in her crackly voice, “Indeed, I do. Why I have a 45 automatic in the glove box.”

The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons.

She replied, “I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console.”

The shocked trooper asked, “Is that all the weapons you are transporting?”

The little old lady held up her purse and replied, “Well, I do keep a 38 special in my purse.”

Finally, the astonished trooper asked, “What are you afraid of?”

And the little old lady smiled and replied: “Not a #ucking Thing.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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