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#50364 - 01/03/18 05:25 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
lol.
My only go at golf was a disaster, I found out that I'd hired a set of right hand golf sticks and I was a lefty. grin

Gave up after that!
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50365 - 01/05/18 12:53 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3687
Loc: S/W Missouri
The only time I went golfing was with some sales folks I dealt with. Later in the club-house I was awarded the "Worst Golfer" trophy; they said I turned as red as a tomato. blush
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#50371 - 01/08/18 06:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed the telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriberís house.

The phone didnít ring right away, but after a moment the dog moaned and then the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone systemís ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current every time the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Thought youíd like to know.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50373 - 01/12/18 04:51 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3687
Loc: S/W Missouri
What a GREAT explanation! laugh
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#50384 - Yesterday at 03:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
NEW ALPHABET

A is for apple,
and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, but now it wonít float.
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But letís be a bit more realistic instead.

Now, Aís for arthritis;
Bís the bad back,
C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac.
D is for dental decay and decline;
E is for eyesight, canít read that top line.
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas, which Iíd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--Iíd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, wonít mend.
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget! What comes next?
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that donít grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and Iíll be good as new.
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears.
T for tinnitus; thereís bells in my ears.
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, thatís ďdizzyĒ you know.
W is for worry, NOW whatís going round?
X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year Iím left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.

Iíve survived all the symptoms, my bodies deployed,
And Iíve kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!!
May your troubles be less, your blessings more,
and nothing but Happiness comes through your door.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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