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#50147 - 11/06/17 09:05 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?”


The wife said, “Let him dig. I had him buried upside down ... and I know he's too pig headed to ask for directions.”
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50149 - 11/07/17 02:30 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Originally Posted By: Trumby
Friendship among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there


Good (male) friends are hard to beat. smile
-carl


Edited by Carl Theile (11/07/17 02:32 PM)
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#50157 - 11/11/17 02:15 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
A man went to the local church and asked to Join. The preacher said “Ok, but you have to pass a small bible test first. The first question is ‘Where was Jesus born?’”

The man answered “Longview”.

The preacher said “Sorry ... you can’t join our church.”

Soooooo ... he went to another church and asked to join. The preacher said “We would love to have you but you have to pass a bible test first. “Where was Jesus born?” The man said “Tyler”.

The preacher said “Sorry ... you can’t join our church.

Soooo ... he goes to another church and asked to join.

The preacher said “That’s great we welcome you with open arms.”

The man said “I don’t have to pass no Bible test first?”

The preacher said “No.”

The man said “Can I ask you a question?”

The preacher said “Sure.”

The man said “Where was Jesus born?”

The preacher said “Palestine.”

The man mumbled to himself...

“I knew it was in East Texas somewhere.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50159 - 11/11/17 02:24 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
I went to the liquor store Tuesday afternoon on my horse, bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the saddle bag.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the horse, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Rum before I rode home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my horse seven times on the way home.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50160 - 11/11/17 02:25 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Only an honorary Texan would even get that Joke. How many do we have here? smile

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#50161 - 11/11/17 02:26 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Originally Posted By: Trumby
I went to the liquor store Tuesday afternoon on my horse, bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the saddle bag. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the horse, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Rum before I rode home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my horse seven times on the way home.


I love that one. smile smile smile

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#50162 - 11/11/17 02:30 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
Me too. grin
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50164 - 11/11/17 04:12 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
“You’ll be fine,” the doctor said after finishing the young woman’s surgery. But, she asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?” The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek.

The girl was alarmed.

“What’s the matter doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”

He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no-one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#50167 - 11/12/17 06:18 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3982
Loc: S/W Missouri
Originally Posted By: Carl Theile
Only an honorary Texan would even get that Joke. How many do we have here? smile

-carl


My Mom used to live on Lake Athens, not far from Tyler or Palestine. grin
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50168 - 11/13/17 07:20 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
At Friday night services, Morris goes to his friend Irving and says, “I need a favor. I’m sleeping with the Rabbi’s wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?”

Irving is not very fond of the idea, but being Morris’ lifelong friend, he reluctantly agrees.

After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions - just to keep him occupied.

After some time the wise Rabbi becomes suspicious and asks, “Irving, what

are you really up to?”

Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confesses to the Rabbi, “I’m sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”

The Rabbi smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder, and says, “You better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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