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#50073 - 10/17/17 08:15 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3687
Loc: S/W Missouri
Sad but true. smirk
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#50077 - 10/19/17 02:35 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son...

He gives the young boy 3 twenty cent coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face...

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the coins, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boys testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boys testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,

Ive never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.

Are you a doctor?

... No, the woman replied. Im with The Australian Tax Office.



_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50092 - 10/23/17 09:01 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader...

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us"

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:"

"DON'T SELL THAT COW."
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50093 - 10/23/17 09:04 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.

He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with."

He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life."

He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said, "I'm NOT happy. My balls itchy."
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50094 - 10/23/17 09:06 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50098 - 10/30/17 02:17 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3687
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50099 - 10/30/17 12:23 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Originally Posted By: Trumby


"DON'T SELL THAT COW."


Amen, Brudda

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#50102 - 10/30/17 01:19 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,

"Do you know what your a$$ hole is doing while you're having an orgasm???"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

The Professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

Ba-Dump-dum...

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#50110 - 10/31/17 02:35 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3687
Loc: S/W Missouri
Good one Carl! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50128 - 11/02/17 05:25 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5692
Loc: NSW
Sad, but probably true! grin
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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