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#49661 - 04/27/17 08:06 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
As she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked for me,” he replied.
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#49663 - 04/29/17 06:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3668
Loc: S/W Missouri
DOH! grin

Welcome back Jon! smile
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#49665 - 04/30/17 05:23 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
yeah that'd work. grin

Welcome back mate.
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49666 - 04/30/17 05:25 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
One day a pirate walked into a bar. while the bartender was pouring his drink he looked at him and said, "What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied: "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained: "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them crapped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap."

And the pirate replied,

"It was my first day with the hook."
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49667 - 04/30/17 05:26 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that knowledge and hard work will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49668 - 05/02/17 07:23 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Hello DB
Great to see you.
-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#49672 - 05/03/17 11:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3668
Loc: S/W Missouri
Ian, you just made sense of the whole thing! laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#49676 - 05/04/17 08:06 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father,

"Who is that man going into the barn?"

"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant.

She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn. And she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, She broke into tears.

"How could he leave without even saying goodbye," She cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out...

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49686 - 05/06/17 02:00 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3668
Loc: S/W Missouri
He was a real "go-get her"! laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#49696 - 05/07/17 02:07 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
A little bird in Russia refused to join the pack which was flying south for the winter. It refused to listen to its' parents and elders thinking it can tough it out.
Winter came and It was so cold so the bird froze and fell to the ground covered with snow. A cow came by and dropped some dung on the bird. The pile of cow dung warmed the bird and brought it back to life. It lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing took the bird out of the pile of cow dung, and ate it.

Morals of the story:
(1) Don't discount experienced advice of people who care for your success.
(2) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(3) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(4) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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