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#49479 - 03/19/17 11:54 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
There is a lesson here for us all: Be grateful for what you have (and use smile )
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#49487 - 03/21/17 04:44 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
WELCOME to 2017
&#65533; Our Phones - Wireless
&#65533; Cooking - Fireless
&#65533; Cars - Keyless
&#65533; Food - Fatless
&#65533; Tires -Tubeless
&#65533; Dress - Sleeveless
&#65533; Youth - Jobless
&#65533; Leaders - Shameless
&#65533; Relationships - Meaningless
&#65533; Attitudes - Careless
&#65533; Babies - Fatherless
&#65533; Feelings - Heartless
&#65533; Education - Valueless
&#65533; Children - Mannerless
&#65533; Country - Godless
We are-SPEECHLESS,
Government-is CLUELESS,
And our Politicians-are WORTHLESS!

& I’m scared - Shitless!

Maybe a little exaggerated!! smile
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49488 - 03/21/17 04:51 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
Little Tommy and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Tommy received his plate, he started eating right away. “Tommy! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother.

“I don’t need to,” the boy replied.

“Of course, you do” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”

“That’s at our house.” Tommy explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49494 - 03/23/17 01:14 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3668
Loc: S/W Missouri
Little Tommy could be in BIG trouble! laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#49497 - 03/23/17 04:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
The Hunter

One day, while a hunter was sitting too close to a river, his rifle fell into the river and disappeared right before his eyes. When he cried out, suddenly an angel appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?” The hunter replied that his rifle had fallen into the water and that he needed it to help supply food and necessities for his family.

The angel dipped his hand into the water and pulled up a $17,000 Linux-powered .300 Winchester Magnum with a 22-inch barrel.

“Is this your rifle?” the angel asked.

“No,” the hunter reluctantly replied.

The angel again dipped into the river. This time he held out a highly engraved Winchester 1886 in .50-110 Winchester.

“Is this your rifle?”

Again, the hunter shook his head and reluctantly replied, “No.”

The angel reached down again and came up with a beat-up, no-thrills Savage Axis.

“Is this your rifle?” the angel asked.

“Yes,” the hunter replied softly and rather ashamedly. The angel was pleased with the man’s honesty and ended up giving him all three rifles to keep, and the hunter went home happy.

A week later, the hunter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, showing her where the miracle occurred, when his wife fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When he cried out for help, the angel again appeared and asked him, “What is wrong?”

“Oh kind angel, my wife has fallen into the river!”

The angel went down into the water and, to the hunter’s amazement, came up with Marilyn Monroe.

“Is this your wife?” the angel asked.

“Yes!” cried the hunter.

The angel was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

“Oh, forgive me,” the hunter pleaded, “it is only a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Marilyn Monroe then you would have gone back into the river and come up with another gorgeous beauty. Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have gone back in and come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes, ‘ you would have given me all three. Please, I beg of you, I’m not in the best of health, nor the richest man, and would not be able to take care of all three women; so, that’s why I said ‘yes’ to Marilyn Monroe.”

And so the angel let him keep her.

The moral of this story: Whenever a man lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason; and, in the end, in the best interest of everyone involved.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49498 - 03/23/17 04:05 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing?” she exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.” Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. “What are you doing?” he exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.” A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. “What are you doing?” she exclaimed. He replied...”Watching the game with my son-in-law.”
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49564 - 04/09/17 11:49 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Quote:
...”Watching the game with my son-in-law.”


smile
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#49565 - 04/09/17 11:52 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
“A golfer hits a ball and it misses the green by inches. His partner says, ‘That’s called a son-in-law shot. It is not what you expected, but you will take it.’”
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#49569 - 04/09/17 06:33 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
A Wee Scottish Joke

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn’t be found locally, the call went out around the world. Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than happy to donate his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He then phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be more generous than that -last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?”

To this the Arab replied: “Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins”.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#49570 - 04/09/17 06:38 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
THE PICTURE ON THE NIGHT STAND

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. “Is this your husband?” he nervously asks. “No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend, then?” he continues. “No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear. “Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, Hoping to be reassured. “No, no, no!!!” she answers. “Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands. “That’s me before the surgery.”
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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