header

Page 274 of 306 < 1 2 ... 272 273 274 275 276 ... 305 306 >
Topic Options
#49086 - 01/07/17 05:45 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked, and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

“What happened?” she asks.

“I’ve never been with a woman” he says, “but if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo… I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”
_________________________
Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

Top
#49089 - 01/08/17 12:41 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3668
Loc: S/W Missouri
Leave it to the Aussies! grin
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

Top
#49092 - 01/08/17 12:25 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Great one, DB

smile

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

Top
#49093 - 01/08/17 03:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
High ceilings can be very helpful as well

eek grin
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

Top
#49105 - 01/09/17 12:46 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
...Bragging my friend??? smile

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

Top
#49107 - 01/09/17 06:15 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
“Jesus loves you”

A nice thing to hear in church’

Not so nice, to hear, in a Mexican Prison.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

Top
#49108 - 01/09/17 06:35 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
A neighbor recently spent $3500 on a young Black Angus bull. He put it out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. He said he was beginning to suspect it was gay, if that’s possible with a bull. Anyhow, he had the Vet come have a look at him. The vet said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he left some pills to feed the bull once per day. Holy crap ... the bull started to service the cows within two days ... All of the cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor’s cows! He’s been breeding just about everything in sight. He’s like a machine!” When I asked my neighbor what in hell was in the pills the Vet left, he said he didn’t know but ... they kinda tasted like peppermint!
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

Top
#49109 - 01/09/17 06:44 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from inside

screams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”

The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

Top
#49124 - 01/10/17 12:51 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6374
Loc: Outside, anywhere
PAYBACK! smile

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

Top
#49125 - 01/10/17 03:49 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “No he didn’t. My husband just walked in the door.”
_________________________
Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

Top
Page 274 of 306 < 1 2 ... 272 273 274 275 276 ... 305 306 >


Moderator:  Carl Theile, Joshua R.