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#48736 - 10/26/16 02:35 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
All great ones! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#48737 - 10/26/16 03:20 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It appeared in The Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship,
ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good-looking girl
who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and
fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your
hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
_________________________
Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#48739 - 10/27/16 04:20 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
Good one DB. grin
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#48740 - 10/27/16 04:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, “What do I look like to you, a landscaper?!”

Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, “Honey, can you fix the faucet?” The husband replied, “What do I look like to you, a Plumber?”

Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, “Honey, can you change the light bulb?” His reply was, “What am I, an electrician?”

A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, and the light bulb is changed.

Very surprised, he says, “Honey, what happened here?”

The wife replies, “You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything.”

The husband says, “Honey, how did you pay him?!”

“Oh, you know,” the wife says, “He told me that I could either bake him a cake or have sex with him.”

Somewhat relieved the husband asks, “Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?”

The wife replies, “Who do you think I am, Betty Crocker?”
_________________________


Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#48741 - 10/27/16 04:28 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the man out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the woman to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist. Don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong honey. I love you.”

To which the wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!”
_________________________


Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#48744 - 10/29/16 01:46 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
shocked



laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#48745 - 10/29/16 04:00 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter asks, ‘Male or female?’

The customer says, ‘Female.’

The counter guy asks, ‘Black or white?

The customer says, ‘White.’

The counter guy asks, ‘Christian or Muslim?’

The customer says, ‘What the hell does religion have to do with it?’

The counter guy says, ‘The Muslim one blows itself up.’
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#48751 - 10/30/16 03:10 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
I love that one DB. grin
_________________________


Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#48753 - 10/30/16 03:23 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
There once was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree. The tree said: “I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears in the forest are females.” And all the bears in the forest turned into females.

The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.

The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the country are females.” The wish was granted.

The rabbit says, “I wish I have a motorcycle.” By this point the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.

The bear says: “I wish all the bears in the world are female.” The wish is granted.

When it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his motorcycle, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
_________________________
Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#48756 - 10/30/16 05:53 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
A woman decided to treat herself to a face-lift for her birthday.

She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.

On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35,"he replied.

"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.

After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."

"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.

While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.

He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."

There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.

After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."

Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
_________________________
Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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