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#48275 - 08/16/16 04:33 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#48276 - 08/16/16 06:53 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
Rebecca Smith, a CNN journalist, heard about an 89-year-old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for the past 75 years. So she decided to check it out.

She went to the Western Wall and saw an old Jewish man walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray for almost an hour.

When he turned to leave, holding a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?”

“Morris Feinberg”, he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For 75 years.”

“75 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”

“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 75 years?”

“Like I’ve been talking to a ##cking wall.”
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#48277 - 08/17/16 01:58 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4085
Loc: S/W Missouri
I pray you keep all these great jokes coming to the forum! laugh laugh
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#48286 - 08/18/16 05:32 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
The body builder takes off his shirt And the blonde says, “What a Great chest you have!’

He tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.’

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, ‘ “What massive calves you have!’

The body builder tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.’

He then removes his underwear and The blonde goes running out of the Apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes Back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why She ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, ‘I was afraid to be around all that dynamite After I saw how short the fuse was!’
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#48287 - 08/18/16 05:33 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
One day a young woman had just started playing her round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, ‘Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?’ ‘I was stung by a bee’, she said. ‘Where?’, he asked. ‘Between the first and second hole’, she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said... ‘Then your feet were too far apart.’
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#48288 - 08/18/16 05:38 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

“This is the 21st century” she said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here ... use my iPad.”

I can tell you this ... that bloody fly never knew what hit him...
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#48289 - 08/18/16 05:39 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6583
Loc: NSW


Two male seniors decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, ‘go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk. I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.’

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says, ‘you know, I think my girl was dead!’

‘Dead?’ says his friend, ‘why do you say that?’

‘Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.’

His friend says, ‘could be worse I think mine was a witch.’

‘A witch?? ... Why the hell would you say that?’

‘well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window ... Took my teeth with her!
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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#48290 - 08/18/16 06:24 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
Good ones Ian!
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#48291 - 08/19/16 12:40 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4085
Loc: S/W Missouri
GREAT ones Ian!!! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#48294 - 08/21/16 10:34 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
You guys are a riot! great way to enjoy a morning cuppa.

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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