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#48015 - 07/08/16 10:06 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4057
Loc: S/W Missouri
Good ones all! laugh laugh laugh
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#48017 - 07/10/16 11:24 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Whew! Thanks for the education, my friend. smile
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#48018 - 07/10/16 02:57 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane.

After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”

The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”

The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”

The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”

The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.

Finally the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?” grin
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#48022 - 07/10/16 06:55 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
Good one Ian!
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#48024 - 07/11/16 02:24 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4057
Loc: S/W Missouri
As always! laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#48032 - 07/12/16 10:54 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
A farmer is transporting donkeys across the interstate.
He is driving at a brisk but legal pace when he was suddenly pulled over by a two state troopers.

The first trooper says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”

The farmer looked at him, puzzled, and replied, “Yes, as a matter of fact, I was going five miles below the speed limit!”

The first trooper angrily looks over at the second and says, “You told me he was speeding!”

Flustered, the second officer replies, “No no no, I said he was hauling ass!”
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#48039 - 07/14/16 05:24 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, ‘Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?’

Grandma replied, ‘Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ... I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.’

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said, ‘Hello son, is your Grandma home?’

The little boy replied, ‘Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.’
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#48040 - 07/14/16 05:26 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.

Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa’s drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

‘What happened, Grandpa?’ asked by his concerned children.

‘Well, ‘ he answered, ‘I don’t really know. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn’t mine, so I put it back!’
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#48041 - 07/14/16 05:36 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say ‘Supersex.’ She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair ... Flipping her gown at him, she said, ‘Supersex... ‘ He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, ‘I’ll take the soup.’ grin
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#48042 - 07/14/16 05:37 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
Two elderly gentlemen had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ‘Now don’t get mad at me...

I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is...

His friend stared at him for at least three minutes -- he just stared and stared at him. Finally he said, ‘How soon do you need to know?’
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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