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#47245 - 04/11/16 02:22 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4059
Loc: S/W Missouri
That's old sailors for you! laugh
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#47249 - 04/11/16 10:20 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Could be, Mr. Klink, could be. smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#47253 - 04/11/16 04:15 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
Paddy, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife 275 quid a week."

Well, that's fairly decent of you, your honour," Paddy said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bob myself."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#47254 - 04/11/16 04:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.

Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Larry replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

--------------------

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."

---------------------------

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all..."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

---------------------------

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

-------------------------

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute."

"Thank you!" the blonde says, and hangs up.

--------------------------------

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

------------------------------

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

---------------------------

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery, ' he answered.

'What did he say, ' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

--------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini, ' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

-----------------------------

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#47260 - 04/11/16 07:40 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4059
Loc: S/W Missouri
All good! laugh laugh
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#47263 - 04/11/16 08:34 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
Three Hillbillies are sittin' on a porch shootin' the bull.

1st Hillbilly: "My wife sure is stupid! She bought an air conditioner."

2nd Hillbilly: "Why is that stupid?"

1st Hillbilly: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

2nd Hillbilly: "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new-fangled warshin' machines!"

1st Hillbilly: "Why is that so stupid?"

2nd Hillbilly: "'Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"

3rd Hillbilly: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! ... I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found six condoms in there."

1st and 2nd Hillbillies: "Well, what's so dumb about that?"

3rd Hillbilly: "She ain't got no pecker."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#47268 - 04/13/16 02:27 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4059
Loc: S/W Missouri
They must live in Arkansas! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#47271 - 04/13/16 04:38 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules:

"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females.

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, " Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $80.

Are there any questions?"

At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired:

"How much for a season pass???"

Then one of the senior girls spoke up and asked if it would be ok if they could split the fine.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#47273 - 04/14/16 02:35 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4059
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh

Give a big hand to the seniors!!! laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#47303 - 04/17/16 09:33 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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