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#47181 - 04/02/16 10:32 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd.
In much the same way the human brain only operates as quickly as the slowest of it’s brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, as we all know, and naturally the alcohol attacks the slowest/weakest cells first.

So it is as plain as the nose on your face that regular consumption of Guinness will eliminate the weaker, slower brain cells thus leaving the remaining cells the best in the brain.

The end result, of course, is a faster more efficient brain.

If you doubt this at all, tell me, isn’t it true that we always feel a bit smarter after a few pints?
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Old School Swamp Rat

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#47184 - 04/02/16 09:24 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Skoal!

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#47210 - 04/05/16 10:28 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
My grandma got my grandpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, “like a cheap castle”.
When I looked confused, he explained, “No ballroom”.
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#47211 - 04/05/16 10:43 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
ThatGuyCF Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/16
Posts: 35
Loc: Virginia
One day a man was running on the beach early in the morning and he saw a woman sitting on a towel. Upon getting closer he realized she had no arms or legs, and she was crying uncontrollably. He asked her what was wrong. She replied, "Well...as you can see I have no arms or legs so people don't usually talk to me. I mean, I've never even been hugged before." So the man bent down, picked her up, hugged her until she stopped crying, and continued his run.

The next day the man saw the same woman sitting in the same spot, crying again. He walked up and said what's wrong now? She said, "Well...as you know I've never been hugged before yesterday, so it's not surprising I've never kissed anyone either. I don't want to die without ever having kissed someone." So the man bent down and kissed her, and continued his run.

The third day the man saw the woman again. A little nervous, he walked up to her and asked what was wrong this time. To which she replied, "Well...no one has ever kissed or hugged me before so naturally no one has ever had f##### me before either. I don't want to die a virgin!" So the man bent down, picked her up, pulled her really close, and turned around and threw her in the ocean. "Now you're f#####"

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#47214 - 04/05/16 11:56 PM Re: Giggles [Re: ThatGuyCF]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3982
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh
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#47229 - 04/08/16 02:08 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
Proof that Men Have Better Friends...

Friendship among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night.

The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.

The man called his wife's 10 best friends.

None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night.

The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.

The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.

Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#47230 - 04/08/16 02:12 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!

'What powerful rivers!

'What beautiful animals!

He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.

He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him...

At that instant the Atheist cried out,

'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'

'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very well, ' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen.'
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#47231 - 04/08/16 02:13 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6350
Loc: NSW
Ralph, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks in Dartmouth once more, for old times' sake and some hot sex. He engages a lovely prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well Ralph, ya old sailor, you're doing about three knots.

''Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?

'She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#47237 - 04/08/16 08:18 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3982
Loc: S/W Missouri
Three good ones Ian!!! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#47239 - 04/09/16 06:08 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
................three knots smile

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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