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#45301 - 09/29/15 09:17 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
Good one!
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#45302 - 09/29/15 09:17 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
Who Reads What Newspapers?

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but donít really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie chart format.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldnít mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didnít have to leave LA to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who arenít too sure whoís running the country, and donít really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who donít care whoís running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who arenít sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy, as long as they are democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
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#45304 - 09/29/15 10:48 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
"Those who fail to read the newspaper are uninformed; those who do are misinformed" Mark Twain smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#45315 - 09/30/15 07:42 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3511
Loc: S/W Missouri
So true. smirk
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#45316 - 10/01/15 02:59 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two government 'Welfare' officials sent to interview him.

One of them remarked "You have been observing the white man now for 90 years.

You have seen his wars and his technological advances.

You have seen his progress and the damage he has done."

The elder nodded in agreement.

The official continued "considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the whitefella go wrong?"

The elder stared at the officials for over a minute and then he calmly replied: "When whitefella found the land, blackfellas were running it.

No taxes

No debt

Plenty kangaroo

Plenty fish

Women do all the work

Medicine man free

Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing and all night having sex"

Then he leaned back and smiled; "Only whitefella bloody stupid enough to think he could improve a system like that."
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#45322 - 10/01/15 09:00 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
So true Ian!
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#45324 - 10/02/15 08:18 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, ďI went by your grandmaís house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!Ē The biker looked at him and didnít say a word. His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat.

The drunk leaned on the table again and said, ďI got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!Ē The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, ďIíll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!Ē

The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, ďDamn it, Grandpa, youíre drunk! Go home!Ē
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#45329 - 10/03/15 12:45 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3511
Loc: S/W Missouri
What a Grandpa!!! laugh laugh laugh........................ wink
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#45330 - 10/03/15 04:28 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
A Lanark school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression "I presume."

One little girl held up her hand and said, "Yesterday my mother hand-washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Another one said, "This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage. I presume that the truck wouldn't start."

"That's excellent," says the teacher.

Little Willy at the back of the classroom got up and said, "Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the woods, I presume that"

The teacher interrupted him and said, "I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can't presume anything."

Willy said, "Please, Teacher, let me finish my sentence.

The teacher said, "Very well. Continue."

"As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the woods with a newspaper under his arm.

I presume he was going for a shit because he can't read."
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#45334 - 10/03/15 07:13 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Flatland teachers.... wink

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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