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#45182 - 09/21/15 10:58 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
Good ones Ian!
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#45185 - 09/21/15 06:16 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
Sven was recounting his war experiences on the local radio station.

"So, dere I vas, flyin' ever France, mindin' my own business. Suddenly, one o' dem Jerman Fokkers dives at me out of the sun. guns blazing. Well, I yust got behind him and shot that Fokker down."

The radio announce broke in and said, "For those in our audience who are unfamiliar with warplanes, the Germans in World War One flew a plane known as the 'Fokker'. The Red Baron is probably the best known flying ace who flew one. Back to you, Sven."

"Ya, Ya," said Sven. "Dat's right. But dis vas WWII, and dem Jerman Fokkers vas driving Messerschmitts."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#45186 - 09/21/15 06:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
An elderly lady goes to the doctor.

'Doctor there is something strange happening, because lately I pass a lot of wind, luckily it is sound and odorless.'

The doctor nods his head knowingly and writes a prescription. 'Use these pills for two weeks and come back'.

After two weeks the lady comes back complaining, 'Doctor I don't know what you did, but now my wind is smelling horribly.'

'Good, ' the doctor replies, 'Your sense of smell is back, now let's see what we can do about your hearing'.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#45187 - 09/21/15 06:19 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
Try saying this to your wife!

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down ... We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#45197 - 09/22/15 10:25 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
That gives me the Willies...

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#45207 - 09/23/15 08:51 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she’d pipe up, “Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?”
“No, lady, not yet. I’ll let you know,” he replied, time after time.

The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled over and called out, “This is where you get out, lady.”

“Is this Oriskany Falls?”

“YES!” he bellowed. “Get out!”

“Oh, I’m going all the way to Albany, sonny,” she explained sweetly. “It’s just that my daughter told me that when we got this far, I should take my blood pressure pill.”
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#45208 - 09/23/15 09:02 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
OY! laugh
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#45212 - 09/23/15 10:21 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
I made a deal with my wife: I promised to lower the seat faithfully, every time, if she would promise to raise it. So far, so good.... wink

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#45215 - 09/23/15 06:50 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
An Indian chief lived together with his tribe on a reservation.

One year the previous winter had been very harsh and the tribe had been freezing as they still used firewood in their houses. As fall came the tribe asked the chief if he thought it was going to be another cold winter.

Not really sure what to answer the chief told the tribe to gather some extra firewood just in case.

After the chief thought it would be prudent to check with the local meteorologist. He called and asked if it was going to be a cold winter. "Well - it's probably going to be another cold winter" was the reply. Congratulating, himself having already asked for extra wood gathering, the chief told his tribe to go and gather even more firewood.

The day after the chief called the weather man again for confirmation. "Now we're sure it's going to be a cold winter" was the reply. The chief told his tribe to gather all the firewood they possibly could.

just to be sure the chief called the weather station the next day. "Are you QUITE sure it's going to be a cold winter?"

"We're damn sure" was the reply. "The Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!!!"
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#45216 - 09/23/15 06:55 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
An older couple were in church. She reached into her purse for a note book and pen then she wrote.

"I just cut a silent but deadly what should I do?"

Then she handed the note book and pen to her husband and he wrote, "Change the batteries in your hearing aids."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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