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#45112 - 09/16/15 09:57 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her Mum and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#45113 - 09/16/15 09:59 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother :

"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#45122 - 09/17/15 11:01 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3511
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh Kids say the darndest things! laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#45138 - 09/19/15 05:39 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife ďMother of SixĒ in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that itís time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, ďShall we go home Mother of Six?Ē

His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts backÖ ďAnytime youíre ready, Father of Four!Ē
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#45139 - 09/19/15 07:45 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your Business at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed... "I'm Sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't Even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
_________________________



Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#45140 - 09/19/15 09:14 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly. 'that was my pager, ' she said. 'I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.'

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear...

When she finished, she explained, 'that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'

the older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom...

She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said ... Well, will you look at that ... I'm getting a fax!!

Gotta love the 'old gals'!!!!
_________________________



Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#45141 - 09/19/15 09:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker & a frozen carburetor. Last January, on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing & wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.

"What's the matter?" asked the Trooper.

"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.

"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."

"I can't," said the biker.

"OK, watch me closely & I'll show you."

The Trooper unzipped & promptly warmed the carburetor as promised.

Moments later the bike started & the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the local State Troopers' office rec'd a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.

It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill..."
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#45165 - 09/20/15 01:38 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3511
Loc: S/W Missouri
Ian, you're rolling right along! laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#45178 - 09/21/15 02:56 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW
Tragedy in Newfoundland

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, NFLD man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#45179 - 09/21/15 02:59 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4848
Loc: NSW


"I've outlived my dick."
A Poem - by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the friggin thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!

grin
_________________________



Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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