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#47747 - 05/22/19 05:49 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, “So, how’s it going down there in Hell?”

Satan replied, “Hey, things are great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God was surprised, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here.”

“No way,” replied Satan. “I like having an engineer, and I’m keeping him.”

God threatened, “Send him back up here now or I’ll sue!”

Satan laughed and answered, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
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Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#47750 - 05/22/19 06:08 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
This woman goes in for a facelift and the doctor says: “We’ve got this new method: I put a knob in the back of your head, and every time you feel like you need a lift, just turn it.”

She gets the knob implanted and is beautiful for five years.

But one day she notices a problem and returns to the doctor.

“I’ve got these huge bags under my eyes,” she complains.

The surgeon replies: “Those aren’t bags; those are your breasts.”

“Ah,” she sighs. “That explains the goatee.”
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#47755 - 05/23/19 04:02 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3588
Loc: S/W Missouri
^^^ GREAT ONES!!! laugh laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#47855 - 06/17/19 01:00 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3588
Loc: S/W Missouri
No new giggles??? frown
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#47856 - 06/17/19 04:28 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
grin

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall ... The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”

“You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!”
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#47857 - 06/17/19 04:31 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#47858 - 06/17/19 04:34 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
Here is the situation:

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off.
On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
See answer below:

Get off the merry-go-round and go home you old fart, you’ve had enough excitement for one day!
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#47859 - 06/17/19 07:21 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3588
Loc: S/W Missouri
NOW we're talking!!! laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#47861 - 06/17/19 05:20 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
A mathematician is interviewing for a job. The interviewer asks him “You are walking towards your office and running late for a very important meeting and you glimpse a building on fire with people screaming for help. What will you do?”

The mathematician thinks for a while and replies “People’s lives are more important than an office meeting. I would immediately call for a fire brigade and help the trapped to the best of my abilities”.

The interviewer seems to be impressed with the mathematician’s answer and moves on to the last question. Just to check his sanity, she asks “And what if the building is not on fire?.”

After a moment of thought, the mathematician replies with confidence “I will set the building on fire. Now, I have reduced it to a problem that I have already solved before!”
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#47862 - 06/17/19 05:23 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

“Hello.”

“Mrs. Sanders, please.”

“Speaking.”

“Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well ... We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.

Frankly, either way the results are not too good.”

“What do you mean?” Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

“Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.”

“That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?” questioned Mrs. Sanders.

“Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

“The MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husbands off somewhere in the middle of town.

If one finds his way home, don’t sleep with him
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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