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#44919 - 09/02/15 05:14 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
The judge looked down at Mickey and said, "I'm sorry Mr. Mouse but you can't divorce Minnie just because you think she's crazy."

Mickey looked at the judge and replied, "Your Honor I didn't say that she was crazy. I said that she was ******** Goofy!"
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44920 - 09/02/15 05:21 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
The Horse Rider

A 30 year-old blonde decides to try horseback riding for the first time. With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves and as her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune ... Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44931 - 09/03/15 06:20 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3523
Loc: S/W Missouri
Ian, I don't know where you get these jokes, but they're great! laugh laugh laugh
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#44938 - 09/03/15 08:48 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Private Klink]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
Originally Posted By: Private Klink
Ian, I don't know where you get these jokes, but they're great! laugh laugh laugh


LOL. The one about the gunslinger had me chuckling. grin
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44957 - 09/06/15 12:54 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Originally Posted By: Trumby
Originally Posted By: Private Klink
Ian, I don't know where you get these jokes, but they're great! laugh laugh laugh


LOL. The one about the gunslinger had me chuckling. grin


That one had everyone with grey hair chuckling, I'll wager... smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44958 - 09/06/15 01:36 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Hey Ian-

We are only 22 ............... celcius smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44959 - 09/06/15 01:39 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says."Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44960 - 09/06/15 03:01 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3523
Loc: S/W Missouri
Amen!!! laugh laugh laugh
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#44966 - 09/07/15 12:04 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
Murphy's job application

Murphy applied for a fork lift operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."

Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?"

Manager "Simple; on question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down,

'I don't know.'

You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44967 - 09/07/15 12:09 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife.

Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"

& Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.

After the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister.

"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You better hurry home quickly, I'm not married."
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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