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#44676 - 08/09/15 05:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.

The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'

'No, ma'am, but I didn't like to see you standing there all by yourself!'
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44677 - 08/09/15 05:16 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
Building Permit

Some have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house.

It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City Council told me; "Forget it ... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"

So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a "Mosque."

Work starts on Monday. And here is the best part, it's going to be tax exempt!

I love this country. It's the government that scares the shit out of me!
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44678 - 08/09/15 05:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
After nearly 40 years of marriage, Charlie and his wife were lying in bed ... Suddenly the wife felt Charlie begin to massage her in ways he hadn't done in quite some time...

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back ... He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach ... He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf ... Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg ... He continued in the same manner on her right side ... then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent ... As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice..."Honey, that was wonderful ... Why did you stop... ?"

To which he responded... "I found the remote..."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44683 - 08/10/15 01:13 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
That last one was priceless.
_________________________
Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#44689 - 08/10/15 07:14 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4059
Loc: S/W Missouri
Yep'! grin
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#44698 - 08/11/15 10:06 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
A man goes to a restaurant and orders the soup.
Shortly after he begins to eat, he drops his spoon. Immediately, his waiter appears and pulls a brand new spoon out of his pocket. The man is impressed.

“It’s lucky you had a spoon on you,” he remarks.

“Oh, no, we all carry spoons,” said the man. “The owner of the place is German and he insists that we are all efficient as possible. By carrying spoons with us, we reduce trips to the kitchen and can spend more time waiting on customers.”

The diner is even more impressed.

After the meal, while leaving a tip, he sees the waiter walk past. Discreetly, he grabs the waiter and murmurs, “Sorry, son, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?”

The waiter replies, “Yes, we all do. Another efficiency measure. We used to each spend a minute or more washing our hands after using the men’s room. So, the owner gave us all strings to tie to the end of our penises. When we need to go, we simply pull the string to get it out and then return to work. See, if we don’t touch ourselves, we don’t need to wash our hands, and we can spend less time in the men’s room and more time waiting on the customers.”

“Huh,” says the diner. “But wait a minute. How do you get it back in your pants?”

“Well, I don’t know about the other guys, but I use my spoon.”
_________________________
Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#44699 - 08/11/15 10:26 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Great one! Din't see that coming....

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44706 - 08/12/15 02:02 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
RussMo Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/30/13
Posts: 290
Originally Posted By: Trumby
After nearly 40 years of marriage, Charlie and his wife were lying in bed ... Suddenly the wife felt Charlie begin to massage her in ways he hadn't done in quite some time...

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back ... He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach ... He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf ... Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg ... He continued in the same manner on her right side ... then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent ... As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice..."Honey, that was wonderful ... Why did you stop... ?"

To which he responded... "I found the remote..."


This is so perfect!!! OMG I couldn't stop laughing. I can't wait to try this out so Brother, thanks for the info...

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#44712 - 08/13/15 04:40 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defence attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44713 - 08/13/15 09:26 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4059
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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