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#44578 - 08/01/15 10:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
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Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
So, Ian-

Can you identify with that one? smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44579 - 08/01/15 10:06 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
90-year old George went for his annual physical
All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. What's your secret?

George replied, "God and me are tight. For example, He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I'm done *poof* the light goes off."

"Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?"

Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44580 - 08/01/15 10:21 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
This one sounds familiar...

Two senior couples are walking along . . .
. . . wives in front, husbands in back. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices, too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?"

Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"

Sam says, "How about 'rose'?"

"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife, "Rose! Hey, Rose! What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?"

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44581 - 08/01/15 10:54 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6511
Loc: NSW
Originally Posted By: Carl Theile
So, Ian-

Can you identify with that one? smile

-carl

Yep, definitely. grin I do however manage to miss the refrigerator,so far. smile
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44582 - 08/02/15 10:17 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
I meant the arthritis one with the ice-cream. smile

So far, finding the outhouse (and missing the refrigerator) ain't a problem till snow blocks the light from one window. Usually, by then, we resort to the chamber-pot till first light. smile

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44584 - 08/02/15 08:58 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6511
Loc: NSW
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", quietly replied the little boy.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So", the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb ass decision ... or that the coach is a shithead. Is it?"

"Uhhh, Nossir. Um, Coach. Sir."

"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44585 - 08/02/15 09:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6511
Loc: NSW
A woman was having a passionate affair with an

Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

'Quick, ' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.

'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone, ' said the exterminator.

'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.

'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths, ' the man replied.

'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44587 - 08/02/15 10:51 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6511
Loc: NSW
Originally Posted By: Carl Theile
I meant the arthritis one with the ice-cream. smile


-carl


I know. grin
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44588 - 08/03/15 10:15 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
I see ...tis I who am confused. Not hard to accomplish nowadays. You shoulda seen me trying to lace up pull-on boots this morning. wink
-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44591 - 08/03/15 10:42 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
LOL that last one got me.

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