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#44503 - 07/27/15 12:57 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3553
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
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#44511 - 07/27/15 04:19 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4910
Loc: NSW
Two bears were sitting at the side of the river near Ottawa. The smaller bear turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as cubs. I just don't get it.'

'Well, ' said the big Bear, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you, ' replied the small Bear.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings.'

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I hide under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door.Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Bear, 'I think I see your problem.

You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the Sh** out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an assh**e and a briefcase.' grin
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44512 - 07/27/15 04:20 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4910
Loc: NSW


Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44513 - 07/27/15 04:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4910
Loc: NSW
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Randwick race track) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Tobacco), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade!"

"No, ma'am", he replied. "I'm riding Black Caviar in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help."
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44521 - 07/28/15 04:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
Good ones Ian!
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Never Stop Trying

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#44523 - 07/28/15 09:30 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4910
Loc: NSW
Originally Posted By: Drumrboy
Good ones Ian!


The one about the Jockey cracked me up. grin
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44527 - 07/29/15 10:45 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Just did my daily workout: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines- I get plenty of exercise!

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44531 - 07/29/15 04:16 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
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Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4910
Loc: NSW
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy, "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
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Donít bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, thatíll freak you right out.

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#44535 - 07/29/15 06:29 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
(grin)

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44536 - 07/29/15 06:49 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3553
Loc: S/W Missouri
Ian, you are on a ROLL!!! laugh laugh laugh
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