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#44197 - 07/03/15 07:45 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her

20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?"

The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his

30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#44204 - 07/04/15 01:02 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3523
Loc: S/W Missouri
Now Ian!!! laugh laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#44221 - 07/04/15 09:02 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Private Klink]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Originally Posted By: Private Klink
Now Ian!!! laugh laugh laugh


Quit your complaining and follow his advice:

Quote:
Go to a football game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help.


Don't thank me either.

-carl


Edited by Carl Theile (07/04/15 09:02 PM)
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44225 - 07/05/15 01:14 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
Ohrenstein was less than pleased with the doctor’s remedy for the constant fatigue that was
plaguing him. “Give up sex completely, Doctor?” he screamed. “I’m a young guy. How can
you expect me to just go cold turkey?”
“So get married and taper off gradually,” advised the physician.
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#44226 - 07/05/15 01:17 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
One day the Israeli soldier at the checkpoint on the military highway addressed the Arab
riding along on his donkey, his aged wife trudging before him. “I’ve been watching you go
by every morning for months,” the guard commented, “and you always ride and your wife is
always on foot. Why?”
“Wife no have donkey,” replied the Arab with a shrug.
“I see. But why does she walk in front of you? Is that the custom of your people?”
The Arab shook his head. “Land mines,” he explained. grin
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#44227 - 07/05/15 01:20 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
One time, Billy was in Chicago to speak, and there was a problem with the hotels because
there was a big convention in town. And he was with his assistant, Lacy. All the rooms were
booked and there was only one room left, but it had two beds in it and they decided to share
the room.
Lacy said, “You know, Billy, I’m cold.”
And Billy said, “Well, Lacy, how’d you like to be Mrs. Crystal for the night?”
She said, “I’d love to be Mrs. Crystal for the night.”
And Billy said, “Then get up and shut the ******’ window.”
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#44228 - 07/05/15 01:26 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
Thoroughly fed up with his wife’s incessant pissing and moaning, Joe finally agreed to
accompany her to a meeting with her therapist. Once there, he made his reluctance quite clear,
along with the fact that he had no idea how she found so much to complain about all the time.
“Well, Mr. Johnson,” the therapist pointed out gently, “it is customary for married people to
have sexual intercourse regularly, even frequently. Mrs. Johnson tells me that even on the nights
when you don’t fall asleep in front of the TV, you never respond in any way to her sexual
advances.”
“Yeah, well, so?” Joe scratched his head. “So whaddaya recommend?”
“Well, a reasonable minimum might be sexual intercourse at least twice a week,” suggested
the counselor.
“Twice a week, huh?” grunted Joe, thinking it over. “Okay, I could drop her off on Mondays
—but on Fridays she’s gotta take the bus.”
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#44234 - 07/05/15 11:33 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Three aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional states. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from the University of Texas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Rice.

"Elation," said she.

"And you, sir," he said to the young man from Texas A&M, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

(sorry)

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#44236 - 07/05/15 08:56 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
lol. Makes sense to me. grin
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#44237 - 07/05/15 08:58 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4862
Loc: NSW
Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and
Kathy’s in the bathroom. As Jimmy’s getting undressed, he says to himself, “How am I
going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world’s smelliest feet?”
Then he throws his socks under the bed.
Kathy walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimmy runs past her and
goes into the bathroom.
Kathy sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, “How am I going to tell him? How
am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world’s worst breath? I’ve got to tell
him.” Just then Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy runs up to him, gives him a huge
wet kiss, pulls back and says, “Honey, I’ve got to tell you something.”
Jimmy says, “Yeah, I know. You just ate one of my socks.”
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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