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#44023 - 06/23/15 11:56 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
That it does!!! eek............................ laugh
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#44032 - 06/24/15 09:18 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
Great ones.

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#44058 - 06/25/15 03:12 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
When old Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called
the undertaker aside for a private little talk. “Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very
securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone
found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch
his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never
come off.”
Sure enough, the day of the wake, the old-timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a
going-over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary
offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker. “What’s a few nails cost?”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44059 - 06/25/15 06:08 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
The wedding night found Dan and Lorraine in a posh suite at the Hyatt, a bottle of
champagne by the bed. Pulling a sexy negligee out of her suitcase, Lorraine was startled
when Dan tossed her a pair of his pants and told her to put them on.
They fell down in a pool around her ankles. “Honey, I can’t wear your pants,” she
protested, coming around the bed to hand them back to him.
“Damn straight, and don’t you forget it,” ordered the new husband. “I’m the man and I
wear the pants in this family.”
Lorraine slipped out of her panties and tossed them to Dan. “Put these on, darling,” she
asked sweetly.
Of course Dan couldn’t pull the little scrap of lace past his knees. “I can’t get into your
pants, Lorraine,” he complained.
“That’s right,” she snapped. “And it’s going to stay that way until you change your damn
attitude!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44060 - 06/25/15 08:13 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
500 years ago when men went to war it was common for them to force their wives to wear chastity belts while they were away.
Only a locksmith could remove these chastity belts with the husband being away with the key.

This probably explains… why ‘Smith’ is the most common name in the phonebook.
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Never Stop Trying

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#44062 - 06/25/15 02:14 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
That last one makes a lot of sense. LOL

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#44065 - 06/25/15 06:34 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
I know a few Smith's. grin
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44066 - 06/25/15 06:35 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
Laurie fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks, and pretty soon had lured him
into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said
sadly, “Laurie, honey, we’ve got to stop seeing each other. Your husband’s bound to get
suspicious.”
“No way, sweetheart, he’s dumb as a post,” she assured him. “Besides, we’ve been
having it off for six months now and he doesn’t suspect a thing.”
“True,” agreed the dentist, “but you’re down to one tooth.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44067 - 06/25/15 06:46 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
A woman went to a psychiatrist because she was having serious problems with her sex life. The
psychiatrist asked her many questions, but he did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her
problems. Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you are having sex?”
“Well, yes, I did once.”
“Well, how did he look?”
“Very angry.”
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well
that’s very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only
seen your husband’s face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that
you saw his face that time?”
“He was looking through the window.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#44068 - 06/25/15 06:50 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6459
Loc: NSW
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old
son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet,
too.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is,” the man replies.
“You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks.
“No, thanks,” the man replies.
“I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues.
“Okay. How much?” the man replies after considering the position he is in.
“Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies.
“Twenty-five dollars!” the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden
position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again, when she hears a car in the
driveway and, again, she puts her lover in the closet with her little boy.
“It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off.
“Yes, it is,” replies the man.
“Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks.
“Okay. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
“Fifty dollars,” the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll
play some catch.”
“I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy.
“How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of
lizards and candy.
“Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says.
“Seventy-five dollars! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must
confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,” the father says as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says,
“It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”
“Don’t you start that crap in here ” the priest says.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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