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#43772 - 06/13/15 09:46 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
What he ^^^ said.

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#43773 - 06/14/15 12:55 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.

I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"

He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."

Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,

"That's gonna be a bit awkward init?"

"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#43774 - 06/14/15 12:56 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
Went out last night and got really wasted.

I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK. grin
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#43775 - 06/14/15 12:58 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:

"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,

"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#43776 - 06/14/15 12:58 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.

Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.

So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#43777 - 06/14/15 01:00 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Muslim sneaking through next door's garden.

Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.

He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.

Astonished, I got back into bed.

My wife said "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?"

"You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#43778 - 06/14/15 01:06 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6521
Loc: NSW
A blonde city girl named DORIS marries a Saskatchewan rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,

the rancher says to DORIS "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail

into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

The rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

"I came to inseminate the cow," he said. DORIS takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows, and when DORIS sees the nail, she tells him,

"This is the one right here."

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know.

How would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on," she replied
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#43780 - 06/14/15 08:43 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
Good ones Ian. Good ones indeed!
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#43781 - 06/14/15 11:02 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4059
Loc: S/W Missouri
That last one is great! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#43782 - 06/14/15 11:03 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Truly, Breaking the fast Sunday funnies...

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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