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#43489 - 05/30/15 05:40 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
Both great ones! laugh laugh
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#43498 - 05/30/15 09:24 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Agreed- all funny.

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#43500 - 05/31/15 02:22 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
A man goes to his wife and says: 'Darling we are partners. We have been since we got married. We shared the good times, so now there's a problem, and I'm hoping we can share that too.

'What's the problem?' she asks'.

'We got our secretary pregnant and she's suing our ass for support.'
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#43501 - 05/31/15 02:46 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
A man returns from a doctor's visit one day and tells his wife that the doctor said that he only has 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asks her to make love to him. naturally she agrees and they make passionate love. Six hours later he pipes up. 'Honey now I only have 18 hours to live. Maybe we could make love again?'
The loving wife consents and they find themselves making love.
Later, as he is getting into bed he realizes he has only 8 hours of life left.

He taps his wife's shoulder and says. 'Sweetie - Honey - Darling? Please? Just one more time before I die'.
She agrees but rolls over and falls asleep from all that sexual fatigue. The persistent husband, however, hears his eternal clock ticking. He tosses and turns until he has only 4 more hours left to live.

Waking her, he urges PLEASE! could we...?' At which point she snaps: I have to get up in the bloody morning!, you don't!. grin
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#43504 - 05/31/15 09:39 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
A general is visiting troops in the hospital during wartime. He walks up to the first bed and asks the soldier what he is in for. The soldier replies, “Chronic gonorrhea, sir.” The general asks how he is treating it. The soldier replies, “15 minutes a day with a wire brush, sir.” The general asks what his goal is. The soldier says, “To get back on the front line, sir.”
The general moves on to the next soldier and asks him what he is in for. The soldier says, “Severe anal polyps, sir.” The general asks how he is treating it. The soldier says, “15 minutes a day with the wire brush, sir.” The general then asks what his goal is. The soldier replies, “To get back to the front line, sir.”

The general moves on to the third soldier and asks him what he’s in for. The soldier says, “Chronic gum disease, sir.” The general asks how they are treating it. The soldier says, “15 minutes a day with the wire brush, sir.” The general asks what his goal is. The soldier sighs and says, “To get that wire brush before those first two guys, sir.”

-
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#43516 - 06/01/15 08:37 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
Q: Why are there no Irish lawyers?


A: You ever seen an Irishman pass a bar?
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#43523 - 06/01/15 10:11 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
That is a terrible stereotype ...but come to think about it, no!

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#43527 - 06/01/15 05:25 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
It's ok, I'm Irish and Scottish. I'm allowed.
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#43531 - 06/01/15 06:13 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Does that mean you could be litigious?

-carl
_________________________
Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#43532 - 06/01/15 07:55 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
A wealthy computer business mogul sees an advertisement on the Internet for the world’s
fastest and most expensive car, the Tri-Turbo Convertible Fantasy. It sells for $1 million.
The executive decides he must have it, so he has eight of his most trusted assistants assigned
to tracking down the vehicle. After months of searching, the car is located, bought, and
delivered. Eager to play with his new toy, the executive takes it out for a spin.

At the first stoplight, an old man, looking about eighty-five years old, rides up to the
Fantasy on an old Vespa. The old man sticks his head inside without waiting for an
invitation, and says, “Quite a ride you got here, sonny. How fast will she go?”
“About 270,” the executive responds.
“Come on,” says the old man.
Just then, the light turns green and the executive decides to show the old man what the
car can do. He floors it, and within seconds the car is doing 270. But suddenly, he notices in
his rear-view mirror a dot that seems to be getting closer and closer, and so he comes to a
stop. Then, whoooooooosh, “the thing” goes flying by! “What in the heck was that?” says the
executive. “What can go faster than my Fantasy?”
Suddenly, “the thing” comes racing back towards him, and whoooooosh, passes right by.
This time the executive got a better look, and so help him, it looked like the old man on the
Vespa. “That just couldn’t be,” he says to himself. Then, through his rear-view mirror, he
sees it again. All of the sudden, WHAM! It smashes into the back end of the car.

The executive jumps out, and sure enough, it’s the old man on the Vespa that crashed
into him. “Are you OK?” asks the executive. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” replies the old man, “unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror, please.”
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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