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#46110 - 12/07/15 09:33 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter.
When it was finally time for his annual vacation, he headed to the inn with hopes of continuing where he left off.

After he arrived, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover next to his door — with an infant on her lap!

“Brittany, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”

“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’, and finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.”
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#46111 - 12/07/15 10:15 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2825
Great ones

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#46112 - 12/07/15 10:19 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
When you are over seventy who gives a crap?

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#46123 - 12/08/15 01:49 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
Two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy: “Man you look tired.”

His buddy says, “Man I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She’s after me 3 and 4 times a day, &#8203;I just don’t know what to do.”

A man in his seventies sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says: “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that sh*t.”
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#46130 - 12/10/15 02:08 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3588
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#46134 - 12/10/15 07:14 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
JEWISH LDIES BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR SONS...

Four Jewish ladies meet after 30 years at their High School Reunion.

One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.

No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet.

No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he built his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.

They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son.

She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.

The other three said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.

"Oh no!! " said the Lady, he is doing good.

"Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from three of his boyfriends...".The other three fainted...
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Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#46135 - 12/10/15 07:19 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
I went to the pub last night and saw a FAT chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

--------------------------

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

-------------------------

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then ... try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

------------------------

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

----------------------

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah ... She's purty good lookin'..."
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Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#46136 - 12/10/15 07:21 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4961
Loc: NSW
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out onto the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having sex!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
_________________________



Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.

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#46157 - 12/13/15 12:29 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3588
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#46159 - 12/13/15 01:14 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
An old man turned 100 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together.
A very pretty young woman of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.

“Are these your grandkids?” the reporter asked, somewhat suspicious.

“Naw, sir, they all be my younguns,” the old man replied with a sly grin.

“Your kids?” said the reporter. “What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?”

“Naw, sir,” said the old man. “She’s my new wife.”

“Your wife?” said the surprised reporter. “But she can’t be more than 19 years old!”

“That’s right,” said the old man with pride.

“Well, surely you can’t have a sex life with you being 100 and she being only 19,” the reporter remarked.

“Yes, sir,” said the old man. “We have sex every night. Each night two of my boys helps me on her, and every morning six of my boys helps me off.”

“Wait just a minute,” said the newspaperman, confused. “Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?”

“Because,” the old man said, shaking a balled fist, “I fights ’em!”
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