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#43310 - 05/25/15 11:33 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
‘Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!’

‘I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!’

‘If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!’ she replied. ‘He’s got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!’

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?’ one asked.

‘Oh yes!’ he replied, gasping in air. ‘It feels so wonderfully free!’

Another runner moved a long side. ‘Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?’

‘Oh, yes’ our friend answered breathlessly. ‘That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!’

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, ‘Do you always wear a condom when you run?’

‘Nope . . . just when it’s raining
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Old School Swamp Rat

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#43312 - 05/25/15 11:40 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
....just when it is raining ...brilliant!

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#43317 - 05/25/15 02:32 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
That's really using his head! grin
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#43343 - 05/26/15 11:26 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids when he came into the house and asked, "Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"

His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.

"Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse."

"Oh, Okay," said little Hunter and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandpa, it's not called sexual intercourse. It's called bunk beds.... and Jimmys mom wants to talk to you."
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Old School Swamp Rat

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#43346 - 05/26/15 02:51 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!

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#43350 - 05/26/15 05:29 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
Got a laugh out of the both of them, thanks DB
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#43394 - 05/27/15 12:40 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Two elderly Irish drinking buddies, O’Shea and O’Donnell, are sitting at the pub musing on the end of life.

O’Donnell remarks, “Ye know, O’Shea, we’ve had great sport together for many years. It just came to moind that should it be I who happens to go first, it’d mean a great deal to me if ye’d say a few koind words at me grave.”

“That I’ll do, O’Donnell, that I’ll do,” O’Shea replied. “But should it be I who happens to go first, I’d be forever grateful if ye’d pour a bottle of foine Irish whiskey o’er me grave for old times sake.”

“That I’ll do, O’Shea,” said O’Donnell. “That I’ll do… but would ye mind it too very much if it should happen to pass through me kidneys first?”
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#43412 - 05/27/15 06:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
Good one! grin
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#43413 - 05/27/15 06:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
A father buys a "lie detector robot" that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to test it out at dinner.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs & says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#43414 - 05/27/15 06:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
Good one!
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