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#43115 - 05/19/15 09:50 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.
For years, he refused… told me I was crazy.

But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

“So,” I said, “You didn’t believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg.”

He just looked at me and said, “I, stand corrected.”
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#43132 - 05/20/15 04:27 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3668
Loc: S/W Missouri
crazy Ba dump ching.
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#43134 - 05/20/15 09:03 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
An Admiral visited one of the ships under his command.
While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit.

He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.

The Chief replied, “I’d be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia.”

Horrified, the Admiral exclaims, “That’s very unhygienic!”

The Chief shrugs and replies, “Well, if that’s the way you feel, Sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts.”
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#43135 - 05/20/15 09:18 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA!!!!!!!11

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#43168 - 05/20/15 10:29 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
Difference between Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give
you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend
and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in
court next Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the
weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the
small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy.
"And how did you do, son?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. I drew two circles
like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, "This is your
bunghole BEFORE prison.........."
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#43183 - 05/21/15 08:53 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3668
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
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#43186 - 05/21/15 09:19 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
LOL

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#43204 - 05/21/15 07:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
Don't think I'd try the donuts either. grin
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#43205 - 05/21/15 07:03 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

So I got my doctor's permission to

Join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour...

But, by the time I got my leotards on,

The class was over.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#43221 - 05/22/15 04:53 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5655
Loc: NSW
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "pat down."

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the multi-storey car park.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.

She's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the multi-storey, I realised she was right.

The parking bay was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my wife: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard her voice. "Are you kidding?" she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my turn to be silent.

Embarrassed, I said, "Well, can you come and get me?"

She retorted, "I will, as soon as I can convince this bloody policeman that I haven't stolen your car!"
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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