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#41453 - 01/25/15 04:29 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6396
Loc: Outside, anywhere
WW-

Excellent!

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#41454 - 01/25/15 05:40 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
LMAO. grin
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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#41464 - 01/26/15 02:46 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: "You know , I have a special gift, I can read minds."

"Impossible", said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I think?"

"Yes", the lady replied, "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#41465 - 01/26/15 03:05 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6516
Loc: NSW
A man buys a parrot, but after several weeks of trying is unable to get it to speak a single word. In desperation he takes the bird to the vet. The vet tells him that the parrot has too long a beak and that is stopping him from talking.

"I just need to file it down a bit and he should be alright," he says. The man says that is okay and the vet replies, "It will cost a hundred dollars."

"A hundred bucks!" says the owner. The vet tells him that it is a very delicate procedure. If he does not file it enough, the bird still will not be able to talk but if he files too much, the bird will drown while drinking his water. The man decides to think it over and leaves with his parrot.

The next day he comes back into the vet's shop, looking both sad and puzzled.

"What happened?" said the vet.

"Well, I just couldn't afford the hundred dollars, so I took him into my toolshed and did the filing myself."

"And?"

"And now he's dead."

"Dead, what happened?"

"That's what I came to ask you about. I used a medium-grade file and got the beak down to what I thought was the right length, so he could talk but not drown while he was drinking his water."


"Sounds good so far, then what happened?"

"And then I took his head out of the vice and..."
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#41466 - 01/26/15 05:48 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4057
Loc: S/W Missouri
OUCH! laugh
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#41480 - 01/27/15 10:40 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
Old guy humor:
A teacher asked the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin said: "I wanna start out as a Marine pilot, then be a billionaire,
go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris,a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decided not to acknowledge what he said and simply tried to continue with the lesson . . . .
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin’s hooker."
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#41481 - 01/27/15 10:41 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
My wife went to one of those fancy spas and got a mud pack. When she came home she looked great.



Then the mud fell off.
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#41482 - 01/28/15 12:01 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
worldwood Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 01/17/13
Posts: 3295
Loc: Under your bed
HAHAHA!!

I may want to be Kevin's hooker too LMAO!!! -joke.


That one had me rolling.
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#41485 - 01/28/15 05:18 PM Re: Giggles [Re: worldwood]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4057
Loc: S/W Missouri
Very good, but OLD GUY humor?!!? grin
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#41494 - 01/29/15 07:12 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5231
Loc: Always on the move
Surely you can appreciate a little old guy humor Tom!
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