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#40956 - 12/14/14 08:57 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
Good one Curt!
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#40981 - 12/16/14 07:28 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4900
Loc: Always on the move
Nathan wakes up one morning to discover his house is on fire. He picks up his son Jack and rushes out. Once Jack is safe, he goes in for his elder son Joe and rushes out with him. He then rescues his wife. Next is the cat. Then he goes back into the house and comes out a couple of time without bringing out anyone.
A passer-by, who had stopped to notice the proceedings, asked him, “Who are you going in for?”

Nathan replies, “Uh…its my mother-in-law. I am turning her over.”
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#40990 - 12/17/14 11:10 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
More on Mothers-in-law:

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. 'This young man agreed to marry my daughter,' said one.

'No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,' said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence.

'Bring me my biggest sword,' said Solomon, 'and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half.'

'Sounds good to me,' said the first lady.
But the other woman said, 'Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him.'

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. 'This man must marry the first lady's daughter,' he proclaimed.
'But she was willing to hew him in two!' exclaimed the king's court.

'Indeed,' said wise King Solomon. 'That shows she is the true mother-in-law.'

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

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#40994 - 12/18/14 06:29 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3441
Loc: S/W Missouri
Now THAT'S a good one! laugh
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#41039 - 12/22/14 03:04 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Private Klink]
Curt Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/14
Posts: 56
Loc: Mackay, Queensland, Australia.
THE AVIATION AUTHORITY..



With the heightened threat level, the Australian government has become nervous about unidentified aircraft in our skies and has mandated that ALL aircraft and pilots (Including Santa and his Sleigh) be correctly licensed and registered.

As a result, every year just before Christmas, Santa gets a visit from the Civil Aviation Administration, to check the sleigh for airworthiness and take Santa for a check ride to ensure that he is current with his skills and procedures.

In preparation, Santa has the elves wash the sled, fit clearance lights and bathe all the reindeer. Santa gets his logbook out and makes sure all his paperwork is in order.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checks the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviews Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload and checks Santa's logbook.

Finally, they are ready for the checkride. Santa gets in and fastens his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checks the compass. Then the examiner hops in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

"What's that for?" asks Santa incredulously.

The examiner winks and says, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
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#41042 - 12/22/14 06:02 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Good one Curt

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#41047 - 12/23/14 12:38 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3441
Loc: S/W Missouri
Good grief! eek.............................................. grin
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#41052 - 12/23/14 11:02 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2825
Looks like fresh Venison is on the menu. LOL

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#41053 - 12/23/14 04:04 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4759
Loc: NSW
lol. Poor old Rudolf. grin
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Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but to skid in sideways, worn out, shouting 'holy $hit what a ride'! cool

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#41057 - 12/23/14 06:45 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Offline
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 5883
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Point to ponder:

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while in the summer both male and female reindeer grow antlers each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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