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#39787 - 10/06/14 06:12 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
Haha, well he asked for it. grin
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#39788 - 10/06/14 06:17 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
I apologize in advance for this....


A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly.The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear thats closest to them."No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "Thats the female.""The Czech is in the male."

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#39794 - 10/07/14 01:18 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
Oh Carl!!!! shocked........................(actually, pretty good! :D)
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#39797 - 10/07/14 02:55 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
That is horrible Carl. I kinda like it.

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#39856 - 10/09/14 04:24 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5579
Loc: NSW
One night the old soldier gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's ICU, tubes up his nose and down his throat, wires monitoring every function all around his head, with a hell of a pain over his left ear and a drop dead gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he'd been in a serious accident.

She looked deep & steadily into his eyes and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

He managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#39857 - 10/09/14 06:00 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
Good one!!! laugh laugh laugh
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#39977 - 10/15/14 06:23 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.” The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.” The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and half.” The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.”

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, “Your house!”
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#39981 - 10/15/14 07:29 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Oops..... smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#39991 - 10/16/14 03:22 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
Clever man! laugh
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#39995 - 10/16/14 06:30 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
he story of a Physics student who got the following question in an exam:

“You are given an accurate barometer, how would you use it to determine the height of a skyscraper? ”

He answered: “Go to the top floor, tie a long piece of string to the barometer, let it down’ till it touches the ground and measure the length of the string”.

The examiner wasn’t satisfied, so they decided to interview the guy:

“Can you give us another method, one which demonstrates your knowledge of Physics? ”

“Sure, go to the top floor, drop the barometer off, and measure how long before it hits the ground……”

“Not, quite what we wanted, care to try again? ”

“Make a pendulum of the barometer, measure its period at the bottom, then measure its period at the top……”

“..another try? ….”

“Measure the length of the barometer, then mount it vertically on the ground on a sunny day and measure its shadow, measure the shadow of the skyscraper…..”

“….and again? ….”

“walk up the stairs and use the barometer as a ruler to measure the height of the walls in the stairwells.”

“…One more try? ”

“Find where the janitor lives, knock on his door and say’ Please, Mr. Janitor, if I give you this nice Barometer, will you tell me the height of this building? ”
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Old School Swamp Rat

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