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#38001 - 07/18/14 07:27 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Drumrboy]
Private Klink Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3643
Loc: S/W Missouri
Now THAT is a good one!!! laugh laugh laugh
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#38219 - 07/28/14 09:52 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Drumrboy Offline
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5138
Loc: Always on the move
Questions To Ponder
If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isnít a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Whatís another word for thesaurus?
When it rains, why donít sheep shrink?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Why isnít phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate freeways in Hawaii?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, itís called shipment, but when we transport something by ship, itís called cargo?
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Old School Swamp Rat

Never Stop Trying

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#38222 - 07/28/14 10:13 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Great ones, DB. That will give me something to ponder all day smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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#38223 - 07/28/14 12:27 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
MIND BLOWN!!!!

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#38254 - 07/29/14 02:41 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
worldwood Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 01/17/13
Posts: 3295
Loc: Under your bed
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#38255 - 07/29/14 03:21 AM Re: Giggles [Re: worldwood]
Curt Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/14
Posts: 57
Loc: Mackay, Queensland, Australia.
It's Bad Joke Time.

1. The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.

2. A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it, he reckoned he could stop any time !

3. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

4. My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70 each!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web..

5. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

6. I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.

7. I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked on the side of the road. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself -that guy's heading for a breakdown..

8. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

9. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that; at 2:30 am?
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

10. Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. Bugger that" says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

11. I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

12. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend just yet.

13. A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect?
You're in a wheelchair.

14.. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow.
I said you're obviously not listening.

15. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

16. Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London .
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

17. I sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

18. The wife was counting all the 5 cent's and 10 cent's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

19. When I was in the pub I heard a couple of drinkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists.
I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

20. Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours - believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern...

21. Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

22. A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you , today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

23. Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.

24. 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."

25. An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.

26.Did you hear about the charity pantomime for the paranoid schizophrenic homosexual association?
It went well 'til someone shouted "He's behind you"...
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In politics, stupidity is not a handicap. (Napoleon Bonaparte)

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#38257 - 07/29/14 09:59 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Joshua R. Offline
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 2872
Some of those are painful. LOL

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#38266 - 07/29/14 06:08 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Curt]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5583
Loc: NSW
Originally Posted By: Curt

9. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that; at 2:30 am?
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.



lol. Good one. grin

Welcome to the swamp, Curt.

Another sunny Queenslander I see!
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Sometimes I sit and wonder why Iím not in a mental asylum ... then I take a look around me and realize maybe I already am.

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#38269 - 07/29/14 07:28 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Curt Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/14
Posts: 57
Loc: Mackay, Queensland, Australia.
Thanks for the welcome mate, I see there's a few Aussies on the forum.
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In politics, stupidity is not a handicap. (Napoleon Bonaparte)

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#38271 - 07/29/14 09:33 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Carl Theile Online   content
Survivor
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 6329
Loc: Outside, anywhere
Curt-
Anyone with THAT sense of humor will fit right in, Welcome! smile

-carl
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Survivor- Old School Swamp Rat (2003)

You are not out of options until you quit.

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