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#51890 - 01/29/19 11:18 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
laugh laugh laugh
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#51892 - 02/01/19 07:20 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
elof_alv Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3493
Loc: Sydney, Australia
For as long as anyone could remember, an old man in an
Indian tribe had been responsible for naming the newborn
children. One of the braves began to wonder how the old man
managed to come up with the names he did; and one day the
brave summoned his courage and went to the old man and asked
him how he picked out a child's name.

The old man was silent for a while, then answered:

"I look around me at my surroundings when I learn that a
child has been born, and name that child appropriately. When
I learned of your father's birth, I heard a coyote howling
in the woods, and so named him Howling Coyote. When your
mother was born, I heard of it while standing by a running
brook, so she was named Running Brook. Now, tell me why
you want to know, Two Dogs Fucking.
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#51895 - 02/01/19 03:31 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Oh deer! grin
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51896 - 02/01/19 03:38 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
I met a guy on the golf course who played to scratch using nothing more than a large weight on the end of broom handle for everywhere except the green, and an old umbrella for putting.

In the nineteenth, I told him how impressed I was.

“I guess it’s because I’m a genius” he replied casually. “I find things so easy that I have to make everything more difficult.”

“Snooker for example,” he continued, “I play with a rubber bung stuck on the end of a metal pole twisted like a corkscrew. I could still beat Steve Davis with one hand tied behind my back. I have to make it difficult, or I get bored.

“Or rifle shooting,” he went on. “I’ve taken the sights off the gun, hold it one handed (left hand even though I’m right handed) sight with my right eye (even though the gun’s in my left hand) and stand on one leg while the rest lie prone to hold the weapon stable. Even then, I could win Bisley whenever I want. Nothing’s any fun unless I can make it into a challenge.”

I was impressed. “Got any kids?” I inquired.

“Yes,” he replied. “And before you ask...

... Standing up in a hammock.”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51897 - 02/01/19 03:54 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
So, there was this fellow, who was undergoing counseling.

One day, he arrived for his appointment, and seemed more morose than his baseline. The counselor asked him about it.

“Well, Doctor, it’s my brother. He thinks he’s a chicken. He crows at daybreak, he scratches in the dust for insects, he struts, and does that chicken chirp, and he sets himself on a perch, all night long, to sleep. Gotta tell you, the rest of the family is beginning to get concerned!”

“How long has he had this delusion?” asked the counselor.

The man looked pensive for a moment, and replied, “I guess, it’s been five, maybe six years, by now.”

“My God, man! What has taken you so long to seek help!”

The patient shrugged, and said, “Well, we really needed the eggs!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51898 - 02/01/19 03:57 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
The seven dwarves go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarves, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey Leads the pack.

“Dopey, my son,” says the Pope, “what can I do for you?”

Dopey asks, “Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?”

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, “No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.”

In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back. “Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?”

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, “No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.”

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them, with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back and says, “Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?”

“I’m sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.”

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting...

“Dopey screwed a penguin!”...
“Dopey screwed a penguin!”...
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51899 - 02/01/19 03:59 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. “Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...”

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.”

Mummy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut the hell up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51900 - 02/01/19 04:00 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Motoring organizations gave out the following advice for those intending to travel in the snow and ice conditions:

Take the following items with you, a shovel, blankets, extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves, food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, spare battery and fuel and a first aid kit.

I felt such an idiot on the bus.
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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#51902 - 02/05/19 12:01 AM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 4027
Loc: S/W Missouri
All good ones! laugh laugh laugh
_________________________
A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#51905 - 02/05/19 03:11 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 6450
Loc: NSW
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

“Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”

And they did.

“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.”

And they did.

“Now we eat everybody.”

And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”

His wise father replied, “Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!”
_________________________


"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most................."

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