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#50022 - 10/03/17 12:55 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Carl Theile]
Happy Birthday Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3667
Loc: S/W Missouri
With a name like Mary Margret how could she go wrong??? laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50023 - 10/03/17 03:22 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5654
Loc: NSW
The doctor came out of the exam room chuckling after he had given a physical to an old retired sailor. His nurse asked, “What’s so funny?”

The doctor replies, “You need to go in and see this old guy. He has his girlfriend’s name, ‘Tina’ tattooed on his pecker.”

So the nurse decides to go check it out. A while later she comes out of the exam room and tells the doctor, “You were mistaken about him. He doesn’t have his girlfriend’s name tattooed on his equipment, he has his ship’s name tattooed on it. The Ticonderoga!”
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50024 - 10/03/17 03:23 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5654
Loc: NSW
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says: “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed: ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer.” the man replies.
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50025 - 10/03/17 03:26 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5654
Loc: NSW
An avid sportsman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

“Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we are married I think it’s time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.”

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says “Darling, what’s wrong?”

Tim responds, “You were beginning to look like my ex-wife!”

“Ex-wife!” She screams, “I didn’t know you were married before!”

“I wasn’t” he replied...
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50027 - 10/03/17 07:55 PM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Happy Birthday Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3667
Loc: S/W Missouri
Now THAT is making a statement! laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50033 - 10/04/17 07:46 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5654
Loc: NSW
An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed.

“Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?” demanded the Grand Emir.

“A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,” stammered the wretched Abdul, “A man is sitting on the well.”
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50060 - 10/13/17 12:43 AM Re: Giggles [Re: Trumby]
Happy Birthday Private Klink Online   content
Die Hard Rat

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 3667
Loc: S/W Missouri
So richly deserved!!! laugh laugh laugh
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A proud Dog, Rat, and Hog

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#50061 - 10/13/17 04:41 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5654
Loc: NSW
A woman was enjoying a good game of Golf with her girlfriends.

“Oh, NO... !” she suddenly exclaimed.

“Look at the time... ! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband.

He’ll be so annoyed if it’s not ready on time.”

When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of Cat food.

With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of Cat food, stirred in the egg and garnished it with the lettuce leaf.

She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.

To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.

“Darling, this is the best dinner you’ve made me in 40 years of marriage... ! You can make this for me any day.”

Needless to say, every Golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.

She told her Golf partners about it and they were all horrified.

“You’re going to kill him... !” they exclaimed.

Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the clubhouse, and one of them said, “You killed him... !

We told you that feeding him cat food every week would do him in... !

How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?”

The wife stoically replied, “I didn’t kill him. He fell off the window sill while he was licklng his arse... !”
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50062 - 10/13/17 04:45 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5654
Loc: NSW
Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turned the lights off, because they were unable to see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decided to find a solution. “Honey,” she signed. “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For example, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.”

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis fifty times.”.
_________________________


If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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#50063 - 10/13/17 04:46 PM Re: Giggles [Re: RobStanley]
Trumby Online   content
Aussie Bush Rat
Rattus norvegicus

Registered: 05/08/12
Posts: 5654
Loc: NSW
I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “No, no ... I was paroled.”
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If my wife asks....all guns cost five bucks and ammo is free !!!

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